My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn’t have sex quite so often.
EMO PHILIPSMy mother was like a sister to me, only we didn’t have sex quite so often.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers…damn anthropologists.
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I tried body surfing once, but how often do you find a corpse?
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When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
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The IRS sent back my tax return saying I owed $800. I said If you’ll notice, I sent a paper clip with my return. Given what you’ve been paying for things lately, that should more than make up the difference.
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The other day a woman came up to me and said, Didn’t I see you on television? I said, I don’t know. You can’t see out the other way.
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When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.
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I’m not as good a swimmer as I used to be – thanks to evolution.
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I think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don’t know what she charges him.
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I’m not a fatalist; even if I were, what could I do about it?
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I don’t know if I was put on this Earth for a purpose or not. But I’m fairly confident that I’ll be taken off of it for one.
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When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That’s what gave me the courage.
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The American government is making nuclear weapons like there’s no tomorrow.
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Not everybody hates me. Only the people who’ve met me.
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You know what I hate? Indian givers… no, I take that back.
EMO PHILIPS