I’m psyched about what I can contribute that can be meaningful to myself and to others.
BOB SAGETI love my mom! You can too for $12!
More Bob Saget Quotes
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What do you do if you’re in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?
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Jon Lovitz. Jon, your act is like masturbation: you’re the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public.
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Not a lot of people have done this. Stop It. This is why. You can cauterize your asshole shut, so when you fart it has nowhere to go and you can have a fart attack.
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My mom told me she thinks a man in the market felt her up today. I asked, Where did he touch you? She said, On my knee, Bobby.
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I love telling stories and acting and entertaining people. I don’t want to make fun of people.
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What I have now are good problems of trying to decide and what I really want to do is good work next. My phone’s ringing a lot more and I’ve got nine lines so when it doesn’t ring, it’s very frustrating.
BOB SAGET -
Stop It, stop lighting your butthol on fire, and everybody listen to me. If you light your ass on fire, I hope you have boxers or a filter of somekind, because if your a bareass person.
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I’m a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts?
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My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that’s how he dealt with my mom.
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I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them
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Everyone I love I pay.
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At the end of the day it’s the end of the day.
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My wife is a saint. She’s Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won’t eat.
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And turkeys are a bird. A very nervous bird. You’d be nervous too if you knew that one day you’d get your head cut off and… filled with stuffing.
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All I’ve ever done is try to entertain my way through a life that often has a huge amount of heaviness in it.
BOB SAGET