If you don’t wake up every day happy, change something.
BOB SAGETIf you’re hanging out with two negative people, do they equal one positive person?
More Bob Saget Quotes
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It’s 103 comedians, or however many it is, and how would everyone tell it. It’s enough people of substance that it makes you think of the people who aren’t there that are alive.
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I was in a supermarket and I saw Paul Newman’s face on salad dressing and spaghetti sauce….I thought he was missing.
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My favorite Dylan song? I think it’s ‘Just Like a Woman.’ It always makes me cry.
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All I’ve ever done is try to entertain my way through a life that often has a huge amount of heaviness in it.
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Nothing worse than a piece of dried out fish.
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I wouldn’t hurt a flea. I’d finger a spider though.
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I’m a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts?
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Ladies, apologies, but isn’t ‘vintage’ just used stuff?
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A lot of people ask me what my favorite episode of Full House was, I always tell them: it was the last one!
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Valuable people are undervalued.
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I have a feeling I’m going to wake up one day and say ‘I can’t do dirty stuff anymore, I want to go all clean.’ I’ll do clean stuff too, I like to entertain people. Then they egged me on; we shot it at The Laugh Factory.
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Met a girl the other nite and told her- Before you can be with someone you have to know the value of yourself. So does $200 seem reasonable?
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My humor was kind of from my dad and all the stuff that we went through, which was a lot of death. My humor was an escape.
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I think comedy is on an organic upsurge right now because when I started, it was 1978 at The Comedy Store and Letterman had just stopped emceeing his morning show.
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A lot of the comedians don’t even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.
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No one gets a free ride. Except maybe bus drivers.
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I’m doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it’s fantastic and it makes me very happy. I’m dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I’m working on a new tv show for cable and it’s not set up yet.
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I will always prefer a hardback book, but I’m drawn to digital because it’s so easy to acquire them when I’m having a need-to-read moment.
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My haircutter figured out I whine less if I’m under general anesthesia. I just hope when I awaken they haven’t given me a Brazilian wax.
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I’m fortunate to know a lot of incredibly talented people, and they all want to be a penguin.
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My favorite procrastination is to make the choice to have valuable times with human beings that I care about instead of holing myself up alone to get my work done.
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A good way to keep your relationship together is not to scream in terror when you see your partner naked.
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I was on Entourage last week smoking a bong and making out with hookers and I did show them that before, cause it wasn’t a hard ‘r’ cause a lot of people are watching that show that they know, not my little one – she’s 12, but very sophisticated so it’s an unusual case.
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My father once told me, and it’s stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.
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What do you do if you’re in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?
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I am stressed because once I am flattened out so thin to be able to slide under a doorway, I may never be able to ever be unflattened so I could be regular sized again.
BOB SAGET