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All I’ve ever done is try to entertain my way through a life that often has a huge amount of heaviness in it.

Bob Saget

It’s smart to marry your yoga teacher so when you get divorced you know how to go down on yourself.
BOB SAGET

Smart Teacher Yoga
In the creative sense, I’m looking forward to collaborating with people I have mutual respect for to create some really good work.
BOB SAGET

Creative Forward Looking People
When someone you love is hurting, if it was possible, you’d want to take their pain for them. But do I really want cramps and sore boobs?
BOB SAGET

Hurt Love Pain Someone
Think well of yourself and others will too. Unless those others are in government, banking, or show business.
BOB SAGET

Banking Government Thinking
If you don’t wake up every day happy, change something.
BOB SAGET

Change Something Things Wake
I think when you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy.
BOB SAGET

Comedy Much Thinking Too
Met a girl the other nite and told her- Before you can be with someone you have to know the value of yourself. So does $200 seem reasonable?
BOB SAGET

Girl Met Reasonable Told
The nature of comedy is ‘just do it.’ But I think what’s interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it’s just saying what’s wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it.
BOB SAGET

Comedy Interesting Thinking
I’m psyched about what I can contribute that can be meaningful to myself and to others.
BOB SAGET

Meaningful Myself Physical
It’s okay to get stoned, as long as its not by other people.
BOB SAGET

Long Okay People
I have a feeling I’m going to wake up one day and say ‘I can’t do dirty stuff anymore, I want to go all clean.’ I’ll do clean stuff too, I like to entertain people. Then they egged me on; we shot it at The Laugh Factory.
BOB SAGET

Anymore Dirty Laughing People Stuff
Most people argue over who’s right, not about what the truth is.
BOB SAGET

Arguing People Truth
It’s so nice to share a day as beautiful as this one with hundreds of thousands of reckless drivers.
BOB SAGET

Beautiful Nice Reckless
A lot of the comedians don’t even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.
BOB SAGET

Comedian Jokes Three
When a normal 17-year-old girl storms out of the house or 15-year-old boy is mad at his mom or dad, they’re not talking the way people talk on TV. Unless it’s cable.
BOB SAGET

Cable Storms Television Things Unless
I don’t censor myself, but I don’t want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either.
BOB SAGET

Censor Sick World
And turkeys are a bird. A very nervous bird. You’d be nervous too if you knew that one day you’d get your head cut off and… filled with stuffing.
BOB SAGET

Bird Country Cutting People
My mom told me she thinks a man in the market felt her up today. I asked, Where did he touch you? She said, On my knee, Bobby.
BOB SAGET

Mom Thinking Today Told
I like to approach every day like it’s my first, so this morning when I woke up I covered my body with red gelatin.
BOB SAGET

Body Morning Red
I don’t like to drink alone ’cause there’s nobody to fight with.
BOB SAGET

Causes Drink Fighting
What I have now are good problems of trying to decide and what I really want to do is good work next. My phone’s ringing a lot more and I’ve got nine lines so when it doesn’t ring, it’s very frustrating.
BOB SAGET

Lines Phones Trying
At the end of the day it’s the end of the day.
BOB SAGET

Day End Over Time
Sundays are a good day to look at the limitless possibilities of the week ahead. The key is to prolong that feeling by not reading the news.
BOB SAGET

Day Good Reading Sunday
Yet there are some people – Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he’s a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I’m doing it right now and you all seem bored.
BOB SAGET

Bored People Talking
I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them
BOB SAGET

Boys Car Country Years
My dad’s like, If your mom and I are having sex and we videotape it and she falls out of bed funny, can I win ten-thousand dollars?
BOB SAGET

Dad Dollar Funny Mom Sex
I wouldn’t hurt a flea. I’d finger a spider though.
BOB SAGET

Fleas Hurt Spider

All I’ve ever done is try to entertain my way through a life that often has a huge amount of heaviness in it.

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All I’ve ever done is try to entertain my way through a life that often has a huge amount of heaviness in it.

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