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You know you’ve reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.

Bob Hope

I love flying. I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage.
BOB HOPE

Flying Funny Travel Luggage
When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things – not the great occasions – that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.
BOB HOPE

Happiness Inspirational Laughter
We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes.
BOB HOPE

Ashes Country Funny Humorous People
Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands
BOB HOPE

Culture Hands Moving
I’d give up golf if I didn’t have so many sweaters.
BOB HOPE

Giving Golf Sweaters Up
Cypress Point is such a beautiful place, but it’s also very exclusive. They had a very successful membership drive last month. They drove out forty members.
BOB HOPE

Beautiful Golf Member Successful
I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don’t they just print our money with a return address on it?
BOB HOPE

Addresses Government Perfect Return
The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
BOB HOPE

Age Growing Long
Bing Crosby and I play a lot of golf together and I have a small course at my place where we often play for side stakes.
BOB HOPE

Course Golf Play Small Winning
Everybody knows what California smog is – that’s fog with the vitamins removed.
BOB HOPE

Country Fog Funny Remove
Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.
BOB HOPE

Comedy Kids Wonderful
The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.
BOB HOPE

Country Humorous People Soup
Don’t tempt me, I can resist anything but temptation.
BOB HOPE

Anything Resist Temptation
There are many talented English personalities, but unfortunately they were all in Hollywood.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Personality Talented
Television. That’s where movies go when they die.
BOB HOPE

Country Dies Movie People Television
Baseball is a soap opera that plays out day after day, one that a lot of elderly women watch until the characters and the plot becomes a part of their life.
BOB HOPE

Baseball Character Kids Personal Plot Side

You know you’ve reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.

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You know you’ve reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.

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