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You know you’ve reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.

Bob Hope

Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.
BOB HOPE

Belief Comedian Funny Humorous
I just hope I don’t have to explain all the times I’ve used His name in vain when I get up there.
BOB HOPE

Get Golf Names Vain
She spoke perfect English, which led to considerable trouble. She couldn’t understand us at all.
BOB HOPE

America Funny Humorous
The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.
BOB HOPE

Country Humorous People Soup
In England when you make a movie even the weather is against you.
BOB HOPE

Funny Rain Weather
The high point of the act is when he (Uri Durov) puts his head inside the bear’s huge jaws. I wouldn’t even try that with my agent.
BOB HOPE

Act Agents Funny High Inside Trying
Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.
BOB HOPE

Comedy Kids Wonderful
Cypress Point is such a beautiful place, but it’s also very exclusive. They had a very successful membership drive last month. They drove out forty members.
BOB HOPE

Beautiful Golf Member Successful
The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.
BOB HOPE

Apart Dog Miles Pet Tree
You could buy my book in a paperback edition for a dollar, and in hard covers for $3.50. And for fifty cents extra.
BOB HOPE

Book Funny Reading
Laughter is therapy-an instant vacation.
BOB HOPE

Instant Laughter Vacation
Everybody is afraid they won’t have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.
BOB HOPE

Discover Funny Money Taken
I don’t know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.
BOB HOPE

Animal Running White
I like to play in the low 70’s. If it gets any hotter than that I’ll stay in the bar!
BOB HOPE

Bars Golf Hotter Play
Don’t tempt me, I can resist anything but temptation.
BOB HOPE

Anything Resist Temptation
Rock and roll is catching on all over . . . France . . . England . . . They even have it in Japan, only over there they call it judo.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Rocks

You know you’ve reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.

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You know you’ve reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.

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