The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I’ve been doing that all my life.
BOB HOPEGolf is my profession Show business is just to pay the green fees.
More Bob Hope Quotes
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You know you’ve reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.
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The service at the Imperial (Tokyo) is the finest I’ve encountered anywhere. There was a button next to my bed marked ROOM SERVICE – and a maid to press it for me.
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America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan – Go for the Gold.
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That’s life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score.
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The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he’s really pissed off.
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I tell jokes to pay my green fees.
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Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies
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I’ve been married fifty-five years and I’ve been home three weeks.
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The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent’s handshake.
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My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?
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Baseball is a soap opera that plays out day after day, one that a lot of elderly women watch until the characters and the plot becomes a part of their life.
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One of the greatest gifts to mankind is laughter, and one of the greatest gifts to laughter is Lucille Ball. God has her now but thanks to television, we’ll have her forever.
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Congratulations to whoever is finally booking music we love. It’s going to get us out of the house after dark!
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My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They’re still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.
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Jimmy Stewart could have been a good golfer, but he speaks so slowly that by the time he yells ‘Fore!’ the guy he’s hit is already in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.
BOB HOPE