When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.
BILLY CONNOLLYScottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Never trust people who’ve only got one book.
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People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
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I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
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I still do my comedy and my performance stuff and my acting so it’s not all-consuming. But I do find myself drawing more and more these days.
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For me, it’s about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
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It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.
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I think of my life as a series of moments and I’ve found that the great moments often don’t have too much to them.
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Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
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A fart is just your arse applauding.
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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If you want to lose a bit of weight, don’t eat anything out of a bucket.
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I used to be a folk singer, but I was… dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.
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People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
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Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
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I don’t understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I’m amazed what people come up with when they look at them.
BILLY CONNOLLY