The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things… after the weather.
BILLY CONNOLLYScottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
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I’ve always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. My family comes from the west coast, so whenever I come to Ireland I get a wee tingling in my heart that I’m where I belong.
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Don’t buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They’re bastards, and they do it on purpose.
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In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it’s folded.
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Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
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I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce – my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions – the absurdity of the thing.
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I just believe in the movie. I don’t care what the book was like. I don’t care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I’ve got.
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Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.
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People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
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Never trust people who’ve only got one book.
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I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there.
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A mate of mine has just told me he’s shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said “her brothers got a moustache!”
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When you involved in an accident and someone asks “are you alright?” Yes fine thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.
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