I was brought up as a Catholic. I’ve got A-level guilt.
BILLY CONNOLLYScottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
-
-
People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I can’t believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
If you want to lose a bit of weight, don’t eat anything out of a bucket.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don’t care what you think.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it’s folded.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
There’s nothing like it, but it’s not as good as you think it’s going to be. . . . I was disappointed because there are records of people finding things that have been there for years. I was hoping for a shirt button, or my club’s badge – but not a sausage.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I still do my comedy and my performance stuff and my acting so it’s not all-consuming. But I do find myself drawing more and more these days.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
The strangest thing is at tea breaks, or coffee breaks or lunch, you forget you’re a zombie. And you’re talking about politics to somebody at the table and you forget that you have a bullet hole in your forehead.
BILLY CONNOLLY