My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don’t eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.
BILLY CONNOLLYScottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
-
-
Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I was brought up as a Catholic. I’ve got A-level guilt.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I loathe hecklers. I haven’t got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce – my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions – the absurdity of the thing.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
There’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I’m a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don’t eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Without arts programmes there’s only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.
BILLY CONNOLLY