People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
BILLY CONNOLLYScottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I don’t aim to offend.
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The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don’t care what you think.
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Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
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When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here?
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I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
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I don’t understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I’m amazed what people come up with when they look at them.
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Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
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The strangest thing is at tea breaks, or coffee breaks or lunch, you forget you’re a zombie. And you’re talking about politics to somebody at the table and you forget that you have a bullet hole in your forehead.
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I’d never consciously left home to see a zombie movie. They were fine by me, but I had no intention of ever being in one. But I’ve been learning more about it as I’ve been doing interviews. I
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Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
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Life is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or occupation. We’re here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.
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I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.
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I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
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Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
BILLY CONNOLLY