Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
BILLY CONNOLLYThere are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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didn’t even know there were specialist zombie magazines and clubs. I heard the other day that a radio station had asked people if they`d made preparations for an attack by zombies, and a staggering number of people replied yes!
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I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
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I don’t understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I’m amazed what people come up with when they look at them.
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I can’t believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher.
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Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
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People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
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Acting is a different discipline. On stage I’m free to say what I please. But the change is very good for ya.
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I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
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I still do my comedy and my performance stuff and my acting so it’s not all-consuming. But I do find myself drawing more and more these days.
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There’s nothing better than a fight, especially when you’re watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he’s a big Jessie!
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I was brought up as a Catholic. I’ve got A-level guilt.
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There’s nothing like it, but it’s not as good as you think it’s going to be. . . . I was disappointed because there are records of people finding things that have been there for years. I was hoping for a shirt button, or my club’s badge – but not a sausage.
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I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.
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I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I’m desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I’m going back, but I’m not. I’d rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.
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I’m a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don’t eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.
BILLY CONNOLLY