If you give people a chance, they shine.
BILLY CONNOLLYI’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it’s like they’re in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.
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If you want to lose a bit of weight, don’t eat anything out of a bucket.
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I’ve always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. My family comes from the west coast, so whenever I come to Ireland I get a wee tingling in my heart that I’m where I belong.
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Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.
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Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
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I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
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The strangest thing is at tea breaks, or coffee breaks or lunch, you forget you’re a zombie. And you’re talking about politics to somebody at the table and you forget that you have a bullet hole in your forehead.
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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
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Acting is a different discipline. On stage I’m free to say what I please. But the change is very good for ya.
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Don’t vote, it only encourages them.
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I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
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Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.
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I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. … That can keep me awake for days.
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Don’t buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They’re bastards, and they do it on purpose.
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Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you’ve blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that… wrll, it’s because the national anthem is boring.
BILLY CONNOLLY






