Life is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or occupation. We’re here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.
BILLY CONNOLLYIt seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
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didn’t even know there were specialist zombie magazines and clubs. I heard the other day that a radio station had asked people if they`d made preparations for an attack by zombies, and a staggering number of people replied yes!
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I still do my comedy and my performance stuff and my acting so it’s not all-consuming. But I do find myself drawing more and more these days.
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Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
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When I read ‘Be real, don’t get caught acting,’ I thought, ‘How the hell do you do that?’.
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People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
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Try to live in a place you like.
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Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it’s like they’re in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.
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If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
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As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
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I’m not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.
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If you want to lose a bit of weight, don’t eat anything out of a bucket.
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I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
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I’d never consciously left home to see a zombie movie. They were fine by me, but I had no intention of ever being in one. But I’ve been learning more about it as I’ve been doing interviews. I
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There’s nothing like it, but it’s not as good as you think it’s going to be. . . . I was disappointed because there are records of people finding things that have been there for years. I was hoping for a shirt button, or my club’s badge – but not a sausage.
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When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here?
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I decided to stop drinking while it was still my idea.
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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience.
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I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.
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Oh aye…my Father would thrash me every now and then. He’d talk while he did it too! He’d hit me and shout, ‘Have ye had enough?’ Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? ‘Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???’
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The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things… after the weather.
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It’s my mind, and I reserve the right to change it as often as I like.
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