I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?
BILL MAHEROne of the advantages of atheism is takes so little of your time.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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The cable TV sex channels don’t expand our horizons, don’t make us better people, and don’t come in clearly enough.
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The plain fact is: religion must die for mankind to live.
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I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.
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Idiots must stop claiming that atheism is a religion. Religion is defined as the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power. And atheism is… precisely not that. Atheism is a religion like abstinence is a sex position.
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Men are only as loyal as their options.
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You can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.
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Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.
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In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.
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If conservatives get to call universal healthcare ‘socialized medicine,’ I get to call private, for-profit healthcare ‘soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.’
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If it weren’t for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.
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America is like a dog. I’m sorry, but it is. It cannot understand actual words. It understands inflection. It understands fear. But you can’t actually explain issues to a dog.
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Some people think I enjoy debate. I don’t. I wish everyone agreed with me; it would save a lot of time.
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They’re talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed.
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Don’t get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.
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I don’t understand why the police are infallible. They remind me a lot of the Catholic Church.
BILL MAHER