If you believe Jesus ever had a good word for war or torture or tax cuts for the rich, or raping the earth, or refusing water to dying migrants, then you might as well believe bunnies lay painted eggs.
BILL MAHERThe First Amendment was specifically designed for citizens to insult politicians. Libel laws were written to protect law students speaking out on political issues from getting called whores by Oxycontin addicts.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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You can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.
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I feel like I’m wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected.
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Anyone who tells you that they know, they just know what happens when you die, I promise you, you dont. How can I be so sure? Because I dont know and you do not possess mental powers that I do not.
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If you want to get rich with a tax free enterprise that sells nothing, start a church.
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There’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.
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The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They’re supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority.
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Faith means the purposeful suspension of critical thinking. It’s nothing to be admired.
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If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth, something very gay is probably going in.
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One of the advantages of atheism is takes so little of your time.
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People have to stop saying that just because someone is an anti-gay activist they might be gay. They’re DEFINITELY GAY!!
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Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.
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If it weren’t for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.
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Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.
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Here’s the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He’s never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s totally – he’s the white Kanye.
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Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.
BILL MAHER