When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.
BILL MAHERThe church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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The difference between the three Abrahamic religions: Christianity – mumbling to the ceiling, Judaism – mumbling to the wall, Islam – mumbling to the floor.
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A new cologne is coming out. It’s for cowboys, and it’s made from cow’s manure. That way the women will be on you like flies!
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I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.
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When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.
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Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it’s sexy but one thing that men never think is, “Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.”
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Religion is detrimental to the progress of society.
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In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.
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Funny that all of Nixon’s crimes – anonymous campaign cash, wiretapping, undeclared wars – are all legal now. Discuss.
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Men are only as loyal as their options.
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Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.
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If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?
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Again, (America is) a stupid country with stupid people who don’t pay attention.
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Things aren’t right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?
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Let’s face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?
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The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, ‘You know what? Let’s just grab lunch.’
BILL MAHER