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A new cologne is coming out. It’s for cowboys, and it’s made from cow’s manure. That way the women will be on you like flies!

Bill Maher

Some people think I enjoy debate. I don’t. I wish everyone agreed with me; it would save a lot of time.
BILL MAHER

Debate Enjoyment Myself People Thinking Time
I feel terrible for a Palestinian child who dies. But, if it’s your father, your brother or your uncle who was firing those rockets into Israel, whose fault is it really? Do you really expect the Israelis not to retaliate?
BILL MAHER

Children Expectation Feel Mistake Rocket Terrible Yourself
Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.
BILL MAHER

Himself Name Obvious
Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.
BILL MAHER

Children Law Message People Right Straight
I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.
BILL MAHER

Death Move Myself Suicide Traffic
I don’t say that I’m an atheist. I don’t like that term, because I think it mirrors the certitude of religion. I say I don’t know. And if you don’t know – and you don’t – just man up and say you don’t know. Don’t turn to silly stories and ancient myths.
BILL MAHER

Ancient Atheist Man Myth Religion Story Thinking
The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, ‘You know what? Let’s just grab lunch.’
BILL MAHER

Food Home President Teaching Time Visit White Yourself
Curious people are interesting people, I wonder why that is.
BILL MAHER

Curiosity Interesting Myself People Wonder
Funny that all of Nixon’s crimes – anonymous campaign cash, wiretapping, undeclared wars – are all legal now. Discuss.
BILL MAHER

Cash Crime Discussion Legal War
If you believe Jesus ever had a good word for war or torture or tax cuts for the rich, or raping the earth, or refusing water to dying migrants, then you might as well believe bunnies lay painted eggs.
BILL MAHER

Believe Death Egg Goodness War
America is like a dog. I’m sorry, but it is. It cannot understand actual words. It understands inflection. It understands fear. But you can’t actually explain issues to a dog.
BILL MAHER

Dog Explanation Issues Myself Sorry Understand
The Drug War is an addiction, really.
BILL MAHER

Addiction Drug War
If you think you have it tough, read history books.
BILL MAHER

Book History Reading Thinking Tough Yourself
There is no debate here, just scientists and non-scientists. And since the subject is science, the non-scientists don’t get a vote.
BILL MAHER

Debate Right Science Subject Vote
Trusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It’s kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald’s and not eat the fries on the way home.
BILL MAHER

Call Eat Fries Government Home Listening Trust Way
I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.
BILL MAHER

Capital Greatness Kill Punishment Work Yourself

A new cologne is coming out. It’s for cowboys, and it’s made from cow’s manure. That way the women will be on you like flies!

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A new cologne is coming out. It’s for cowboys, and it’s made from cow’s manure. That way the women will be on you like flies!

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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