In the Republican party, crazy is a constituency.
BILL MAHERTrusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It’s kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald’s and not eat the fries on the way home.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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Did you see the 2000 Republican Presidential Convention? The last time the Republicans had that many Black people on a stage, they were selling them!
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You can’t pray away global warming, and that’s the difference between religious people and sane people.
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Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.
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If you want to get rich with a tax free enterprise that sells nothing, start a church.
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In Europe, Socialism is just another political party. It just means that government takes over certain things like hospitals, prisons, military and schools that should not be run for profit.
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To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.
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The cable TV sex channels don’t expand our horizons, don’t make us better people, and don’t come in clearly enough.
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Only a Bush could answer a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question two different ways and be wrong both times.
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If you believe Jesus ever had a good word for war or torture or tax cuts for the rich, or raping the earth, or refusing water to dying migrants, then you might as well believe bunnies lay painted eggs.
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I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.
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You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.
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Beating Newt Gingrich in a popularity contest is like beating Stephen Hawking in ‘Dancing with the Stars.’
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If you think you have it tough, read history books.
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Don’t get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.
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To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click ‘I Agree’.
BILL MAHER






