They’re talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed.
BILL MAHERTrusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It’s kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald’s and not eat the fries on the way home.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.
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Beating Newt Gingrich in a popularity contest is like beating Stephen Hawking in ‘Dancing with the Stars.’
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I don’t know anyone less Jesus like than Christians.
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We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It’s overrun with sheep and conformists.
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Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant departure from the truth, today he got an offer from Fox News.
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Death is nature’s way of killing you.
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If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?
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One of the advantages of atheism is takes so little of your time.
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I have always defined political correctness as an elevation of sensitivity over truth.
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Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.
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The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.
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Religion is detrimental to the progress of society.
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There’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.
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In America, you’re allowed to justify almost any kind of bigotry, sexism, or intolerance if you source it to God’s big book of bad ideas.
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At some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental institution.
BILL MAHER






