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Trusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It’s kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald’s and not eat the fries on the way home.

Bill Maher

Sex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he’d have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.
BILL MAHER

Easy Hairs Herself Home Sex Woman World
Like it or not, we’re still a primitive tribe ruled by fears, superstition and misinformation.
BILL MAHER

Fear Information Rule Tribe
I always compare marriage to communism. They’re both institutions that don’t conform to human nature, so you’re going to end up with lying and hypocrisy.
BILL MAHER

Communalism Compare Human Hypocrisy Marriage Nature
False hope really makes you cynical.
BILL MAHER

Fake Feeling Hope Yourself
I don’t respect religon. I don’t respect superstitious thinking and that is what religous is.
BILL MAHER

Myself Religion Respect Thinking
Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.
BILL MAHER

Mistake Necessary Past Person Wisdom
Faith means the purposeful suspension of critical thinking. It’s nothing to be admired.
BILL MAHER

Admire Critical Faith Purpose Suspense Thinking
It’s very hard not to be condescending when you’re explaining something to an idiot.
BILL MAHER

Explanation Hard Idiot Yourself
Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
BILL MAHER

Original Social Media Time
Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
BILL MAHER

Better Complain Man Start Taste Woman
When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.
BILL MAHER

Complain Noise Opportunity People
Again, (America is) a stupid country with stupid people who don’t pay attention.
BILL MAHER

Attention Country Pay Stupidity
To those people who say, ‘My father is alive because of animal experimentation,’ I say, ‘Yeah, well, good for you. This dog died so your father could live.’ Sorry, but I am just not behind that kind of trade-off.
BILL MAHER

Alive Animal Experiment Father Live Myself People Trade
I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
BILL MAHER

Disorder Faith Flying Initiative Plane Thinking
The “Power of One” is a slogan–not a goal.
BILL MAHER

Goal Power Slogan
To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click ‘I Agree’.
BILL MAHER

Click Perspective Reading Religious Software

Trusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It’s kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald’s and not eat the fries on the way home.

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Trusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It’s kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald’s and not eat the fries on the way home.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Bill Maher Quotes