The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you’ll wind up with a lover.
BILL MAHERIf you believe that the world is going to come to an end – and perhaps any day now – does it not drain one’s motivation to improve life on earth while we’re here?
More Bill Maher Quotes
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I feel like I’m wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected.
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The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They’re supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority.
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Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.
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Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.
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I feel terrible for a Palestinian child who dies. But, if it’s your father, your brother or your uncle who was firing those rockets into Israel, whose fault is it really? Do you really expect the Israelis not to retaliate?
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You can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.
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The Drug War is an addiction, really.
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Anyone who tells you that they know, they just know what happens when you die, I promise you, you dont. How can I be so sure? Because I dont know and you do not possess mental powers that I do not.
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If you think you have it tough, read history books.
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If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?
BILL MAHER -
The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.
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I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?
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I don’t know anyone less Jesus like than Christians.
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The “Power of One” is a slogan–not a goal.
BILL MAHER -
The thing I don’t understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who’s supposed to pretend they don’t want it?
BILL MAHER