If you think you have it tough, read history books.
BILL MAHERLittle do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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I don’t say that I’m an atheist. I don’t like that term, because I think it mirrors the certitude of religion. I say I don’t know. And if you don’t know – and you don’t – just man up and say you don’t know. Don’t turn to silly stories and ancient myths.
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I don’t understand why the police are infallible. They remind me a lot of the Catholic Church.
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If you have a few hundred followers and you let some of them molest children, they call you a cult leader. If you have a billion, they call you Pope.
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Who takes care of their people better? FEMA or Hezbollah?
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Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant departure from the truth, today he got an offer from Fox News.
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I feel like I’m wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected.
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The Drug War is an addiction, really.
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Maybe a president who didn’t believe our soldiers were going to heaven might be a little less willing to get them killed.
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When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.
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The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, ‘You know what? Let’s just grab lunch.’
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I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.
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When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.
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The thing I don’t understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who’s supposed to pretend they don’t want it?
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We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It’s overrun with sheep and conformists.
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The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.
BILL MAHER