Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit.’
BILL MAHERLittle do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.
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To those people who say, ‘My father is alive because of animal experimentation,’ I say, ‘Yeah, well, good for you. This dog died so your father could live.’ Sorry, but I am just not behind that kind of trade-off.
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That’s what’s so great about the Internet. It allows pompous blow-hards to connect with other pompous blow-hards in a vast circle-jerk of pomposity.
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If conservatives get to call universal healthcare ‘socialized medicine,’ I get to call private, for-profit healthcare ‘soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.’
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Religion, it stops people from thinking because they think all the answers are in that one book; it impedes progress; it justifies crazy people. Flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative.
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The First Amendment was specifically designed for citizens to insult politicians. Libel laws were written to protect law students speaking out on political issues from getting called whores by Oxycontin addicts.
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Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we’re someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.
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Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn’t know a game is going on?
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Hollywood isn’t your cesspool, America. It’s your mirror.
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Curious people are interesting people, I wonder why that is.
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At some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental institution.
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I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.
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Funny that all of Nixon’s crimes – anonymous campaign cash, wiretapping, undeclared wars – are all legal now. Discuss.
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To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.
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As you go down the path of life, ask whats true. Not who else believes it.
BILL MAHER