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People have to stop saying that just because someone is an anti-gay activist they might be gay. They’re DEFINITELY GAY!!

Bill Maher

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he’s the only one in the world who treats me like I’m the Beatles.
BILL MAHER

Animal Dog Home Love Myself Reason World
In an average moral universal society, good people will try to do the right thing, and psychotic people will do wicked things. But if you want to make good people do wicked things, you need them to be religious.
BILL MAHER

Average Goodness Need People Society Yourself
In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.
BILL MAHER

Country Guilty Wealth Yourself
Ninety percent of people support background checks. Which means even people who can’t pass a background check support background checks.
BILL MAHER

Check Funny People Support
If you believe Jesus ever had a good word for war or torture or tax cuts for the rich, or raping the earth, or refusing water to dying migrants, then you might as well believe bunnies lay painted eggs.
BILL MAHER

Believe Death Egg Goodness War
In the Republican party, crazy is a constituency.
BILL MAHER

Constituency Crazy Politics
Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.
BILL MAHER

Atheism Position Religion Sex
The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.
BILL MAHER

Boy Embrace History Ideas Low Slow Technology
Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.
BILL MAHER

Himself Intention Object Room Strange Way
We don’t really have to make fun of religion – it makes fun of itself.
BILL MAHER

Fun Joke Religion
I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.
BILL MAHER

Death Move Myself Suicide Traffic
Beating Newt Gingrich in a popularity contest is like beating Stephen Hawking in ‘Dancing with the Stars.’
BILL MAHER

Dance Popular Stardom
Here’s the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He’s never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s totally – he’s the white Kanye.
BILL MAHER

Apology Crazy Himself Identity Wrong
Maybe a president who didn’t believe our soldiers were going to heaven might be a little less willing to get them killed.
BILL MAHER

Believe Kill President Soldier Willing
The answer isn’t another pill. The answer is spinach.
BILL MAHER

Answer Food Health Sick
Don’t get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.
BILL MAHER

Injustice Tolerance Yourself

People have to stop saying that just because someone is an anti-gay activist they might be gay. They’re DEFINITELY GAY!!

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People have to stop saying that just because someone is an anti-gay activist they might be gay. They’re DEFINITELY GAY!!

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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