Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
BILL MAHERMen are only as loyal as their options.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.
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There’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.
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In an average moral universal society, good people will try to do the right thing, and psychotic people will do wicked things. But if you want to make good people do wicked things, you need them to be religious.
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I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
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If you believe Jesus ever had a good word for war or torture or tax cuts for the rich, or raping the earth, or refusing water to dying migrants, then you might as well believe bunnies lay painted eggs.
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Trusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It’s kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald’s and not eat the fries on the way home.
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Have you ever met a war you didn’t love? I’m asking, is there any place you don’t want to intervene in?
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Religion, it stops people from thinking because they think all the answers are in that one book; it impedes progress; it justifies crazy people. Flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative.
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Here’s the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He’s never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s totally – he’s the white Kanye.
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The cable TV sex channels don’t expand our horizons, don’t make us better people, and don’t come in clearly enough.
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We don’t really have to make fun of religion – it makes fun of itself.
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I don’t understand why the police are infallible. They remind me a lot of the Catholic Church.
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Did you see the 2000 Republican Presidential Convention? The last time the Republicans had that many Black people on a stage, they were selling them!
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The difference between the three Abrahamic religions: Christianity – mumbling to the ceiling, Judaism – mumbling to the wall, Islam – mumbling to the floor.
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America is like a dog. I’m sorry, but it is. It cannot understand actual words. It understands inflection. It understands fear. But you can’t actually explain issues to a dog.
BILL MAHER