Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit.’
BILL MAHERReligion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.
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If you believe Jesus ever had a good word for war or torture or tax cuts for the rich, or raping the earth, or refusing water to dying migrants, then you might as well believe bunnies lay painted eggs.
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Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
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I feel terrible for a Palestinian child who dies. But, if it’s your father, your brother or your uncle who was firing those rockets into Israel, whose fault is it really? Do you really expect the Israelis not to retaliate?
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False hope really makes you cynical.
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The plain fact is: religion must die for mankind to live.
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In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.
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Don’t get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.
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In an average moral universal society, good people will try to do the right thing, and psychotic people will do wicked things. But if you want to make good people do wicked things, you need them to be religious.
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I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.
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During the Depression, or back when we were fighting Hitler, people didn’t have time to sue a company if the coffee was too hot. There were urgent, pressing problems. If you think you have it tough, read history books.
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America is like a dog. I’m sorry, but it is. It cannot understand actual words. It understands inflection. It understands fear. But you can’t actually explain issues to a dog.
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I don’t understand why the police are infallible. They remind me a lot of the Catholic Church.
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If conservatives get to call universal healthcare ‘socialized medicine,’ I get to call private, for-profit healthcare ‘soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.’
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What is it with conservatives? Seriously, I’m not trying to be partisan but it seems like if they’re anti-illegal alien, they have illegal aliens working for them. If they’re anti-gay, they turn out to be gay. If they’re super Christian, they’re a witch.
BILL MAHER