America is like a dog. I’m sorry, but it is. It cannot understand actual words. It understands inflection. It understands fear. But you can’t actually explain issues to a dog.
BILL MAHERIt’s not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That’s predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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I always compare marriage to communism. They’re both institutions that don’t conform to human nature, so you’re going to end up with lying and hypocrisy.
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The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.
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One of the advantages of atheism is takes so little of your time.
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I don’t respect religon. I don’t respect superstitious thinking and that is what religous is.
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Let’s face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?
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Beating Newt Gingrich in a popularity contest is like beating Stephen Hawking in ‘Dancing with the Stars.’
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The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They’re supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority.
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To those people who say, ‘My father is alive because of animal experimentation,’ I say, ‘Yeah, well, good for you. This dog died so your father could live.’ Sorry, but I am just not behind that kind of trade-off.
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Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
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I feel terrible for a Palestinian child who dies. But, if it’s your father, your brother or your uncle who was firing those rockets into Israel, whose fault is it really? Do you really expect the Israelis not to retaliate?
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During the Depression, or back when we were fighting Hitler, people didn’t have time to sue a company if the coffee was too hot. There were urgent, pressing problems. If you think you have it tough, read history books.
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The “Power of One” is a slogan–not a goal.
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Ninety percent of people support background checks. Which means even people who can’t pass a background check support background checks.
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When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.
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At some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental institution.
BILL MAHER