Only a Bush could answer a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question two different ways and be wrong both times.
BILL MAHERThe problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you’ll wind up with a lover.
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The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.
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The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.
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Like it or not, we’re still a primitive tribe ruled by fears, superstition and misinformation.
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Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant departure from the truth, today he got an offer from Fox News.
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If you have a few hundred followers and you let some of them molest children, they call you a cult leader. If you have a billion, they call you Pope.
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In Europe, Socialism is just another political party. It just means that government takes over certain things like hospitals, prisons, military and schools that should not be run for profit.
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Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
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Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit.’
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When I see the toothless guy, as a liberal, what I say is, ‘I want to help you get teeth.’ Why does that make me an a**hole?
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I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?
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The Drug War is an addiction, really.
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Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.
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We had a national tragedy this week, and the President of the United States and Sarah Palin both made speeches on the same day. Obama came out against lunatics with guns, she gave the rebuttal.
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There’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.
BILL MAHER