I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
BILL BAILEYIt’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
-
-
Three women walk into a pub and say, ‘Hooray, we’ve colonised a male-dominated joke format’
BILL BAILEY -
There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
BILL BAILEY -
Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
BILL BAILEY -
I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
BILL BAILEY -
Not to be confused with the Ukrainian hunting spider, which actually has got a limp and is, as such, completely harmless, and a little bit bitter about the whole thing.
BILL BAILEY -
Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.
BILL BAILEY -
Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.
BILL BAILEY -
Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying ‘Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.’
BILL BAILEY -
Contentment is knowing you’re right
BILL BAILEY -
But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”
BILL BAILEY -
I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think ‘Oh my God, I’m James Blunt, what have I done?’
BILL BAILEY -
Thank God for Darwin, eh?
BILL BAILEY -
Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.
BILL BAILEY -
How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! …no eight!
BILL BAILEY -
You remind me of the Siberian hunting spider, which adopts a highly convincing limp in three of its eight legs in order to attract its main prey.
BILL BAILEY