There’s more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.
BILL BAILEYIt’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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The so-called Samaritan squirrel, which takes pity on the spider, and then the spider jumps on it and injects the paralyzing venom, while the squirrel remains bafflingly philosophical about the whole thing.
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
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Contentment is knowing you’re right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
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There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
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In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
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But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”
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Thank God for Darwin, eh?
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How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! …no eight!
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The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don’t have these.
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Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
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Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
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I’m sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.
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I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
BILL BAILEY