Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
BILL BAILEYIt’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?
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There’s more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.
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I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
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I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.
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I tend to go through periods worrying, “Where am I going, I can’t see a way out of this,” and it becomes quite stressful. But sometimes you have to take a bet on yourself.
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Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
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Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.
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Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.
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Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time.
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I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you’ve got to admire the workmanship.
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Contentment is knowing you’re right
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I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think ‘Oh my God, I’m James Blunt, what have I done?’
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But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”
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Not to be confused with the Ukrainian hunting spider, which actually has got a limp and is, as such, completely harmless, and a little bit bitter about the whole thing.
BILL BAILEY