I’m quite lucky, because I’ve got a small, decorative concrete pig.
BILL BAILEYThank God for Darwin, eh?
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
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Three women walk into a pub and say, ‘Hooray, we’ve colonised a male-dominated joke format’
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There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?
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Relaxed Empiricism — I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
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The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don’t have these.
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I’m sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.
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I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars… I’m not bitter at all.
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It’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
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Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
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Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, “Hullo, we’re out of milk. I say mother, where’s the milk?”
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People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
BILL BAILEY