I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think ‘Oh my God, I’m James Blunt, what have I done?’
BILL BAILEYWithout the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
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The reason we’d stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom.
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There’s more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.
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My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.
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I’m English, and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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I’m quite lucky, because I’ve got a small, decorative concrete pig.
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Not to be confused with the Ukrainian hunting spider, which actually has got a limp and is, as such, completely harmless, and a little bit bitter about the whole thing.
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I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people’s doors and running away. God that was a good game.
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I’m sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
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I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you’ve got to admire the workmanship.
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
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Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
BILL BAILEY