Work hard, save and live within your means.
BILL BAILEYPeople say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, “Hullo, we’re out of milk. I say mother, where’s the milk?”
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I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.
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If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that’s undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
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What I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
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Relaxed Empiricism — I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
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The so-called Samaritan squirrel, which takes pity on the spider, and then the spider jumps on it and injects the paralyzing venom, while the squirrel remains bafflingly philosophical about the whole thing.
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My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.
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Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time.
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The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don’t have these.
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I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
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Thank God for Darwin, eh?
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I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
BILL BAILEY