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Anyone should be very suspicious of a sentence he’s written that can’t be read aloud easily.

Andy Rooney

Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?
ANDY ROONEY

Eat Food Man Reality
Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.
ANDY ROONEY

Climb Happiness Live Mountain Top Yourself
Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn’t have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.
ANDY ROONEY

Goodness Ideas Ourselves Prison Religious
The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!
ANDY ROONEY

Big Bookstore Diet Eat Yourself
Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes – that’s what I’m here for.
ANDY ROONEY

Myself Opinion People
I just wish this social institution [religion] wasnt based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an accumulation of customs and myths directed toward proving something that isnt true.
ANDY ROONEY

Custom Direction Evidence Institution Monument Myself Myth Social
Conservatives are more religious than liberals–although there is no evidence that they’re nicer people because of it.
ANDY ROONEY

Conservatism Liberal Nice People Religious
It’s paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.
ANDY ROONEY

Age Ideas Irony Life Live Old
It isn’t working that’s so hard, it’s getting ready to work.
ANDY ROONEY

Hard Myself Ready Work
If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.
ANDY ROONEY

Drink Goodness Hands Happiness Live Quite
Elephants and grandchildren never forget.
ANDY ROONEY

Animal Forget Grandparents
I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that’s why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business.
ANDY ROONEY

Business Computer Myself Writing
I’ve learned… that just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day.
ANDY ROONEY

Day Learning Myself Person
All economists should be locked up until they admit that they don’t know what they’re talking about.
ANDY ROONEY

Admit Economist Talk
Unfortunately, propaganda works.
ANDY ROONEY

One Liner Work
I’ve learned that under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
ANDY ROONEY

Appreciation Hard Learning Love

Anyone should be very suspicious of a sentence he’s written that can’t be read aloud easily.

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Anyone should be very suspicious of a sentence he’s written that can’t be read aloud easily.

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