There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
AMBROSE BIERCESweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.
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LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.
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Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
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The covers of this book are too far apart.
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Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
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Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
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MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
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There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don’t know.
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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
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Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
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Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else
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Optimist – A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
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Fear has no brains; it is an idiot.
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Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
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A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.
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