Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
AMBROSE BIERCESweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Mausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.
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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
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Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.
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Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.
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Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
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Optimist – A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
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Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
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A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
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Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else
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A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.
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There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
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