Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
AMBROSE BIERCEThe partisan strife in which the people of the country are permitted to periodically engage does not tend to the development of ugly traits of character, but merely discloses those that preexist.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
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Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.
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Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.
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They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
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Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
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Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.
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Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
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Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
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In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
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Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
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Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
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