Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
AMBROSE BIERCEEulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Fidelity – a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
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ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
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Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
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Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
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Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don’t know.
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Don’t steal; thou’lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
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Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
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Perseverance – a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
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Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.
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Alliance – in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
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