Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCEEulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.
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Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
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PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.
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Consul – in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
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Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
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Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
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Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
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Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
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The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
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Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
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REFLECTION,n: An Action of the mind whereby we obtain a clearer view of our relation to the things of yesterday and are able to avoid the perils that we shall not again encounter.
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ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
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The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
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