Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
AMBROSE BIERCEI think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
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A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.
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Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
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Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.
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The partisan strife in which the people of the country are permitted to periodically engage does not tend to the development of ugly traits of character, but merely discloses those that preexist.
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Optimism – the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
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There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don’t know.
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Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.
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The covers of this book are too far apart.
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Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
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Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
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