Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
AMBROSE BIERCEPhilosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
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IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.
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Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
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Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
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Alliance – in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
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Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.
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There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
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Optimism – the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
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Fear has no brains; it is an idiot.
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Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
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I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
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The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.
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Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
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Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
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