Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
AMBROSE BIERCEForgetfulness – a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.
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Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
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Alliance – in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
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Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
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Consul – in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
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Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
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There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don’t know.
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Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
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Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
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Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.
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Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
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Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
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Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
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