You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
ALAN KINGFor me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
More Alan King Quotes
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
ALAN KING