Modesty is not one of my virtues.
ALAN KINGModesty is not one of my virtues.
ALAN KINGNow that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
ALAN KINGYou know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
ALAN KINGAnd humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
ALAN KINGOne thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
ALAN KINGYou want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
ALAN KINGWhen I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
ALAN KINGMilton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
ALAN KINGThe other day my house caught fire.
ALAN KINGThere’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
ALAN KINGAn old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
ALAN KINGI always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
ALAN KINGYou do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
ALAN KINGEd Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
ALAN KINGThat’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
ALAN KINGComedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
ALAN KING