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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.

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Difficult Face Funny Go Let Offend Worry

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
ALAN KING

Bank Banker Chain Come Down Friend Image New Pen
I was a high school throw-out.
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High Out School Throw
My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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Ate Clean Good House Kept Mother
One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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Country Dinner Life One Restaurant Thing Whole
There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
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Charm Humor Rhythm Soul
You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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Attack Fun Make Somebody
Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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Fight Keep Marriage Nature Stranger Way
When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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Bigotry Father First Oppression Read Talk Think Time
We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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Distort Fun House Mirror Reflection Set Standard Style
When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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Done First Jewish Act Person Saw Told
Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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Better Eat Much Other People Sex Some Special Talent Take Than Way
My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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Accident Car Cousin Eighty Kill Male Mother One Raise Sister Six Trolley
An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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Always Big Consider End Failure Line Old Socialist Unionist
I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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Give Interview Know Poor Start Until
My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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Ability Audience Comedy Identity never Say Son Story Tell
Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
ALAN KING

Better Salami Sex Slice Thickly

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