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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.

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Difficult Face Funny Go Let Offend Worry

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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Comedy Create Nothing Reflection
I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
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Carnegie Hall Have Made Practice
And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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Always Art Even Humour Somebody Want Weapon
If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
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Book Love Marriage Read Separate Two Want
I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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Better Salami Sex Slice Thickly
I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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Always Dinner First Morning Plan Thing
I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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Go Kitchen Mother never Other Pot Room Saw
An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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Always Big Consider End Failure Line Old Socialist Unionist
Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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Back Ball Been Fifty Laugh Listen Love People Theatre Villian Year
When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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Bigotry Father First Oppression Read Talk Think Time
If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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Atom Think Expense Great Humor Someone Something
My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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Accident Car Cousin Eighty Kill Male Mother One Raise Sister Six Trolley
The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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Dictator Full Life Little Run Try World
The other day my house caught fire.
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Caught Day Fire House Other
I was a high school throw-out.
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High Out School Throw

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