We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
ALAN KINGLet’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
More Alan King Quotes
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
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It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
ALAN KING






