One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
ALAN KINGAnd humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
More Alan King Quotes
-
-
Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
ALAN KING -
Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
ALAN KING -
As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
ALAN KING -
If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
ALAN KING -
Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
ALAN KING -
When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
ALAN KING -
My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
ALAN KING -
But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
ALAN KING -
Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
ALAN KING -
You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
ALAN KING -
When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
ALAN KING -
If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
ALAN KING -
We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
ALAN KING -
We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
ALAN KING -
Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
ALAN KING