I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
ADAM CAROLLAYou don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money.
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I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future.
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Everyone keeps saying, “Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating.” It’s like saying, “How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she’s been with Brad Pitt?” I don’t care.
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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
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I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I’ll never get to do that.
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Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much
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This is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.
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Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
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I liked radio, or podcasting. I like talking minus the camera and the script part. All those mediums are different, and they are all different with their pluses and minuses.
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
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I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
ADAM CAROLLA