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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
ADAM CAROLLA

Actually Chance Chick Funny Humor Mercedes Name
I am not a good cue card reader.
ADAM CAROLLA

Card Cue Feeling Good Positive Reader
That’s the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can’t pursue your dream till you’re 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.
ADAM CAROLLA

Dream Force Like Love Pursue Quit Sport Writing
The pace of radio is very fast. Boom, boom, with a little six minute segment, then on to the next thing. With podcasts you can talk about something for 25 minutes if you like – there is a lot of artistic freedom with it.
ADAM CAROLLA

Boom Fast Next Podcast Radio Segment Thing Very
I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
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Like Performing Radio Stuff Television Watching
I’d never hurt another person.
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Another Calm Heart Hurt People Person Pure
A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
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Crisis Dalliance might Paper People Practice Right Truthful
I don’t like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it’s the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they’re pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
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Biggest Coffee Soccer Soft Thinking Whatever World
As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
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Bird Book Escape Mean Moving Relieved
Don’t do your best, do my best.
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Advice Best Force Mine Order Question Work
I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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Comedian Comedy Feeling Irony Joke Laugh Life Politician
People are stupid. There’s a lot of dumb stuff that’s successful.
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Dumb People Stuff Stupid Successful
People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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Excel Fail Failing Opportunity People
The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
ADAM CAROLLA

Equal Everything Footing Hate Publicist Rid Thinking
When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
ADAM CAROLLA

Base Funny Include Kind King Revise Sex Sexual Sexy
I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
ADAM CAROLLA

Desire People Political Some Sort Strong Thinking Wrap

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