Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
ADAM CAROLLASo most people don’t have the courage to admit there’s no God and they know it. They feel it. They try to suppress it. And if you bring it up they get angry because it freaks them out.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
-
-
I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
ADAM CAROLLA -
Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
ADAM CAROLLA -
You’re 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don’t have to kill yourself, you’re just waiting.
ADAM CAROLLA -
This is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.
ADAM CAROLLA -
Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
ADAM CAROLLA -
I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
ADAM CAROLLA -
Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
ADAM CAROLLA -
I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
ADAM CAROLLA -
Here’s what you know: you know when you’re getting laid, and you know when it’s all over. Those are the only two things you’re aware of.
ADAM CAROLLA -
The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.
ADAM CAROLLA -
As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
ADAM CAROLLA -
Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
ADAM CAROLLA -
I don’t know anything about computers.
ADAM CAROLLA -
Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys.
ADAM CAROLLA -
I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
ADAM CAROLLA