Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
ADAM CAROLLAWhen you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
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People are stupid. There’s a lot of dumb stuff that’s successful.
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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
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The shuttle is the worst $20 you’ll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been.
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I know everything because I know nothing.
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I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
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I get depressed at airports.
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I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that’s out of this world. I’ll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn’t have to be between Thai and Mexican every night.
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The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
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If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you’ll have a good life.
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I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
ADAM CAROLLA