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When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.

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Basketball Brother Guy Odd Playing Team Yarmulke

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
ADAM CAROLLA

Dad Dollar Funny Humor Knowledge Raise Share Sister
I don’t think I’ve ever seen pie advertised. That’s how you know it’s good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts.
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Advertise Good Ice Cream Pie Thinking
I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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Enough Good Hurt Hurting Interesting Nice Parent People
You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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Anything Eating Funny Humor Microwave Six Take
There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader.
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Card Cue Good Need Pressure Read Reader Ton
Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show
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Enough Formatted Need Poor Reader Show Type
Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
ADAM CAROLLA

Attracted Chick Doing Happen Love Dude Money Successful
We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
ADAM CAROLLA

Asian Black Hispanic Straight Together White Working
I don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bought Count Counting Lazy Normally Vote
I’m a comedian, not a politician.
ADAM CAROLLA

Comedian Comedy Feeling Irony Joke Laugh Life Politician
All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.
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All Funny Humor Middle Nothing Really Want
When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
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Christmas Country Dad Feel Instantly Kid Wrong
Lets not focus on saving a nickel… lets focus on making a buck.
ADAM CAROLLA

Buc Focus Made Making Nickle Saving
Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
ADAM CAROLLA

Ashtray College High Junior School
I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
ADAM CAROLLA

Like Performing Radio Stuff Television Watching
No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bear Chasing Depressed

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