When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
ADAM CAROLLAIf you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Telling them to stop isn’t going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.
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I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
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There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader.
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I don’t think healthcare’s a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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I know everything because I know nothing.
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I’m a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
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To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can’t you do.
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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Lets not focus on saving a nickel… lets focus on making a buck.
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I’m like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
ADAM CAROLLA