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If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’

Adam Carolla

Screw guilt — I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m an atheist!
ADAM CAROLLA

Allow Atheist Guilt Man Myself Screw Sex Ten
This is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.
ADAM CAROLLA

Circumstance Gay Glider Hate Pomp Star Terrorist
I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
ADAM CAROLLA

Best Each Friend Man Men Other Sex Spouse Thinking Tolerate Wife
I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
ADAM CAROLLA

Like Performing Radio Stuff Television Watching
I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.
ADAM CAROLLA

Form Format Freedom Mess Podcasting
I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
ADAM CAROLLA

Finished Funny Humor Masturbatory Pizza Session Two
The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
ADAM CAROLLA

Equal Everything Footing Hate Publicist Rid Thinking
We’re always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.
ADAM CAROLLA

Always Country Going Gone See Want
Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
ADAM CAROLLA

Bag Creative Name Sleep Sleeping Speaking
A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
ADAM CAROLLA

Crisis Dalliance might Paper People Practice Right Truthful
If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bridge Built Done Meant Women
Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
ADAM CAROLLA

Butch Dyke Funny Humor Lesbian Lipstick Sweatpant Thinking
To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can’t you do.
ADAM CAROLLA

Ability Assess Honest Honestly Important More Something Working
If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bird Human Remain Size Street Tax
People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’
ADAM CAROLLA

College Look People Smart White
I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
ADAM CAROLLA

Attempted Comedy Good Stand Up Very

If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’

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If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’

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