Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
ADAM CAROLLAIf you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Everyone keeps saying, “Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating.” It’s like saying, “How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she’s been with Brad Pitt?” I don’t care.
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
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I get depressed at airports.
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Honestly, I’ve always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed – that kind of stuff.
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Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
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I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.
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People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’
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I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
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You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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This is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.
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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
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I’d be at someone’s house or be up on the roof all day and I’d get lonely – stir crazy – and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life.
ADAM CAROLLA