Don’t do your best, do my best.
ADAM CAROLLACalifornia is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.
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I am not a good cue card reader.
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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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There’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
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People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.
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Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
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Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
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I have no connection with Hollywood. I’m not interested. I don’t care.
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
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Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much
ADAM CAROLLA