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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.

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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
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Crapping Experience Explore Life Yourself
We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
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Brush Front never Own Pick Stand
When I’m in power, here’s how I’m gonna put the country back on its feet. I’m going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the ‘tardiest of the ‘tards like the thick crust.
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Agent Back Country Feet Gonna Mountain Power Sterilizing
My first car was a motorcycle.
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Buy Car First Mine Motorcycle Vehicles
My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.
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Building Car Life Some Working Wrenching
It’s something I’ve always kicked around, not doing the eBook but the Rich Man, Poor Man thing.
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Around Doing Ebook Kicked Man Poor Rich Something
In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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Construction Dirty Early Liked Money Naughty Nice Paid Something Stuff
To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can’t you do.
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Ability Assess Honest Honestly Important More Something Working
You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can’t afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
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Afford Between Bunch Choice Dropped Last Loser Unenviable
It’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
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Fouth July Like Underpants
When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.
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Asian Colege Fudge Funny Growing Up Humor People Thirteen
Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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Diarrhea Funny Hand Humor Riding Roller Coater Sex
I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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Enough Good Hurt Hurting Interesting Nice Parent People
Everyone keeps saying, “Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating.” It’s like saying, “How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she’s been with Brad Pitt?” I don’t care.
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Care Everone Funny Humor Intimidating Oh My God Saying
Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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Crocs Down Gay Look Realize Wearing
There are certain things women are better at than men.
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Better Certain Expert Man Thing Unique Women

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