Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
ADAM CAROLLACalifornia is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
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When I’m in power, here’s how I’m gonna put the country back on its feet. I’m going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the ‘tardiest of the ‘tards like the thick crust.
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My first car was a motorcycle.
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My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.
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It’s something I’ve always kicked around, not doing the eBook but the Rich Man, Poor Man thing.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can’t you do.
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You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can’t afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
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It’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
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When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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Everyone keeps saying, “Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating.” It’s like saying, “How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she’s been with Brad Pitt?” I don’t care.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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There are certain things women are better at than men.
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