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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.

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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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This is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.
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I’m a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
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That’s the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can’t pursue your dream till you’re 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.
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I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
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You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
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I don’t think healthcare’s a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.
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I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I’ll never get to do that.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. .
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
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I’m a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I’m into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
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Maybe it’s weird, but I don’t feel in any way, shape or form that I’m taking over his show.
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That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
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