If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we’d know who she was?
ADAM CAROLLAI give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don’t vote that way.
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I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”
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It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I’ve done so much morning radio that I won’t be overwhelmed by it, but it’s still going to be a challenge.
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I’m like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
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Honestly, I’ve always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed – that kind of stuff.
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I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don’t know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.
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If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?
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Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. .
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I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.
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There are certain things women are better at than men.
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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
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I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.
ADAM CAROLLA






