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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

Adam Carolla

Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
ADAM CAROLLA

Besides Birth Control Everything Funny Giving Humor Pill Women
California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
ADAM CAROLLA

Country Fall Forty-Five Look School
The pace of radio is very fast. Boom, boom, with a little six minute segment, then on to the next thing. With podcasts you can talk about something for 25 minutes if you like – there is a lot of artistic freedom with it.
ADAM CAROLLA

Boom Fast Next Podcast Radio Segment Thing Very
Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
ADAM CAROLLA

Desire Infused Need Office Passion Patriotism Place Probably Vigor
The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I’m not sure why.
ADAM CAROLLA

Aisle Land Leave People Ten Thing View
Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
ADAM CAROLLA

Feel Free Higher Pay Tax
Telling them to stop isn’t going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.
ADAM CAROLLA

Alter Behaviors Good Help Incentive Shop Tell
I’m a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
ADAM CAROLLA

Blue Collar Doofus Guy Valley
The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
ADAM CAROLLA

Chick Daughter Dude Fire Funny Mother Reason
They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
ADAM CAROLLA

Advertize Bejeeezus Commercial Out Pie Seen Yogurt
Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
ADAM CAROLLA

Diarrhea Funny Hand Humor Riding Roller Coater Sex
When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
ADAM CAROLLA

Insane Mean Million People Smartest Vote
The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
ADAM CAROLLA

Experience Horrible Job Learned Mean
I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
ADAM CAROLLA

Money Myself Plenty Want Working
You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can’t afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
ADAM CAROLLA

Afford Between Bunch Choice Dropped Last Loser Unenviable
If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
ADAM CAROLLA

Act Boom Country Driven Gay Golf Real Rule Section Value

I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

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Popular Authors

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