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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

Adam Carolla

The pace of radio is very fast. Boom, boom, with a little six minute segment, then on to the next thing. With podcasts you can talk about something for 25 minutes if you like – there is a lot of artistic freedom with it.
ADAM CAROLLA

Boom Fast Next Podcast Radio Segment Thing Very
I don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bought Count Counting Lazy Normally Vote
Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
ADAM CAROLLA

Crocs Down Gay Look Realize Wearing
When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
ADAM CAROLLA

Insane Mean Million People Smartest Vote
The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
ADAM CAROLLA

Experience Horrible Job Learned Mean
The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
ADAM CAROLLA

Chick Daughter Dude Fire Funny Mother Reason
I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”
ADAM CAROLLA

Click Daughter Dude Funnier Gonna Mediocre Sense Staff Tell Writer
Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much
ADAM CAROLLA

Christmas Country Dad Every Imagine Seeing Three Year
The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
ADAM CAROLLA

Equal Everything Footing Hate Publicist Rid Thinking
I’m a comedian, not a politician.
ADAM CAROLLA

Comedian Comedy Feeling Irony Joke Laugh Life Politician
I’ve always boxed, I always taught boxing.
ADAM CAROLLA

Always Boxed Boxing Fight Ring Taught Won
I don’t think I’ve ever seen pie advertised. That’s how you know it’s good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts.
ADAM CAROLLA

Advertise Good Ice Cream Pie Thinking
I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
ADAM CAROLLA

Best Each Friend Man Men Other Sex Spouse Thinking Tolerate Wife
And the mirror ball doesn’t care what color you are, and it doesn’t care how rich your parents are, and it doesn’t care what God you pray to
ADAM CAROLLA

Asian Common Country Goal Guttenberg Hispanic Together
California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
ADAM CAROLLA

Country Fall Forty-Five Look School
The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
ADAM CAROLLA

Best Build Drive Gift Impossible Seem Stuff Yourself

I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

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