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The shuttle is the worst $20 you’ll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been.

Adam Carolla

People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’
ADAM CAROLLA

College Look People Smart White
Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
ADAM CAROLLA

Advantage Ask Focus Asking Judging Smell Someone
My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.
ADAM CAROLLA

Building Car Life Some Working Wrenching
I’m really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it’s a million miles down the road.
ADAM CAROLLA

Funny Humor Month Potentially Really Trying Two Week
[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
ADAM CAROLLA

Equivalent Fat Giving Government Morning Overwhelmed People Person Sending
As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bird Book Escape Mean Moving Relieved
Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
ADAM CAROLLA

Check Up Doctor Funny Health Heapatist Humor Taste
I’m harmless. I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you’re that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.
ADAM CAROLLA

Anybody Harmless Ill Know People Thought Towards
Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
ADAM CAROLLA

Attracted Chick Doing Happen Love Dude Money Successful
The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It’s a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.
ADAM CAROLLA

Art Beautiful Car
The believe-in-yourself adage is grossly overrated.
ADAM CAROLLA

Adage Believe Grossly Overrated Yourself
I don’t know anything about computers.
ADAM CAROLLA

Aware Computer Function Know Knowlege Work
I get depressed at airports.
ADAM CAROLLA

Airport Depress Depressed Fear Height Scare Shy
There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader.
ADAM CAROLLA

Card Cue Good Need Pressure Read Reader Ton
I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out.
ADAM CAROLLA

Admit God Know Law Other Same Way World
What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
ADAM CAROLLA

Common Sense Fist Hand Lawyer Sanitizer

The shuttle is the worst $20 you’ll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been.

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The shuttle is the worst $20 you’ll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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