If you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.
ADAM CAROLLAThe shuttle is the worst $20 you’ll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money.
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
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All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.
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I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I’ve worked with women, I’ve never had an issue with women.
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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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We’re always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.
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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
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I don’t know anything about computers.
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I have no connection with Hollywood. I’m not interested. I don’t care.
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No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
ADAM CAROLLA