My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.
ADAM CAROLLAThe shuttle is the worst $20 you’ll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
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I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don’t know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.
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You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
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When I’m in power, here’s how I’m gonna put the country back on its feet. I’m going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the ‘tardiest of the ‘tards like the thick crust.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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I don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.
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I liked radio, or podcasting. I like talking minus the camera and the script part. All those mediums are different, and they are all different with their pluses and minuses.
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That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
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No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
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I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
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It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I’ve done so much morning radio that I won’t be overwhelmed by it, but it’s still going to be a challenge.
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This is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.
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Lets not focus on saving a nickel… lets focus on making a buck.
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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