What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
ADAM CAROLLAI don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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The believe-in-yourself adage is grossly overrated.
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The truth is we’re all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else’s book.
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I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that’s out of this world. I’ll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn’t have to be between Thai and Mexican every night.
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
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Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.
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. It’s an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.
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If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
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When you do television, there’s more to do, and when you do new television, there’s a lot more to do, especially when you don’t have partner. I miss not having that person.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
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Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
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So most people don’t have the courage to admit there’s no God and they know it. They feel it. They try to suppress it. And if you bring it up they get angry because it freaks them out.
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