The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
ADAM CAROLLAWell, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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I don’t think healthcare’s a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.
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I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
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You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
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I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don’t know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.
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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out.
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A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money.
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Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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If you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.
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We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
ADAM CAROLLA






