We’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
ADAM CAROLLAIt’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.
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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
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The truth is we’re all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else’s book.
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To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can’t you do.
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The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I’m not sure why.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.
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I’m a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
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I’m really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it’s a million miles down the road.
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I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
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If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much
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I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
ADAM CAROLLA