If you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
ADAM CAROLLAIt’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we’d know who she was?
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Here’s what you know: you know when you’re getting laid, and you know when it’s all over. Those are the only two things you’re aware of.
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If you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.
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I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
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Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
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And the mirror ball doesn’t care what color you are, and it doesn’t care how rich your parents are, and it doesn’t care what God you pray to
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The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.
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If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
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I’m harmless. I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you’re that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.
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You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can’t afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money.
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The pace of radio is very fast. Boom, boom, with a little six minute segment, then on to the next thing. With podcasts you can talk about something for 25 minutes if you like – there is a lot of artistic freedom with it.
ADAM CAROLLA






