I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
ADAM CAROLLAI spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
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There are certain things women are better at than men.
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I’m like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
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I get depressed at airports.
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Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.
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When I’m in power, here’s how I’m gonna put the country back on its feet. I’m going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the ‘tardiest of the ‘tards like the thick crust.
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I’m harmless. I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you’re that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.
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I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I’ll never get to do that.
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Lets not focus on saving a nickel… lets focus on making a buck.
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If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we’d know who she was?
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?
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Here’s what you know: you know when you’re getting laid, and you know when it’s all over. Those are the only two things you’re aware of.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
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I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
ADAM CAROLLA