There are certain things women are better at than men.
ADAM CAROLLAI spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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If you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.
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There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader.
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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
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I don’t like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it’s the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they’re pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
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The truth is we’re all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else’s book.
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Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.
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Lets not focus on saving a nickel… lets focus on making a buck.
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Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
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I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that’s out of this world. I’ll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn’t have to be between Thai and Mexican every night.
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If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
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It’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
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I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
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That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
ADAM CAROLLA