When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
ADAM CAROLLANo one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
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Rich people don’t pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes – they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn’t pay taxes.
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All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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The shuttle is the worst $20 you’ll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been.
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Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I’ll never get to do that.
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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
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My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.
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I don’t know anything about computers.
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The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
ADAM CAROLLA






