I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
ADAM CAROLLANo one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.
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I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
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People are stupid. There’s a lot of dumb stuff that’s successful.
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I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”
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I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
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Here’s what you know: you know when you’re getting laid, and you know when it’s all over. Those are the only two things you’re aware of.
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I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
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I would say the podcast is my favorite because I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format.
ADAM CAROLLA






