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Screw guilt — I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m an atheist!

Adam Carolla

Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
ADAM CAROLLA

Bag Creative Name Sleep Sleeping Speaking
You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
ADAM CAROLLA

Anything Eating Funny Humor Microwave Six Take
If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you’ll have a good life.
ADAM CAROLLA

Business Dog Family Focus Fun Good Life
I don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bought Count Counting Lazy Normally Vote
If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife’s side of the bed at night.
ADAM CAROLLA

Backyard Blond Country Evil Gardner Harder Kibble Lob Molly More
I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
ADAM CAROLLA

Age Life Positive Show Story Success Year
I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.
ADAM CAROLLA

Car Need Nose Picking Running Superstitious Unless
The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
ADAM CAROLLA

Chick Daughter Dude Fire Funny Mother Reason
We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
ADAM CAROLLA

Asian Black Hispanic Straight Together White Working
I’m really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it’s a million miles down the road.
ADAM CAROLLA

Funny Humor Month Potentially Really Trying Two Week
When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
ADAM CAROLLA

Christmas Country Dad Feel Instantly Kid Wrong
The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I’m not sure why.
ADAM CAROLLA

Aisle Land Leave People Ten Thing View
I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera – sort of low-key. I don’t like being on camera stuff that much.
ADAM CAROLLA

Ambivalent Camera Cat Enough People Semi
If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
ADAM CAROLLA

Conservative Hollywood Need People Place
So most people don’t have the courage to admit there’s no God and they know it. They feel it. They try to suppress it. And if you bring it up they get angry because it freaks them out.
ADAM CAROLLA

Admit Bringing Courage God Keep People Suppress
I’m a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I’m into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
ADAM CAROLLA

Car Guy Hammer Nut Sort Swinging Turning Wrenching

Screw guilt — I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m an atheist!

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Screw guilt — I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m an atheist!

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Popular Authors

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